Happy Birthday

My son just turned five. I can't help but recall when I first saw him. He heard my voice and turned his head to see me. He was looking for him Mommy!!!! I couldn't wait to hold him and I remember being so happy!!!! Now here it is five years later and I still can't wait to hold him.

Next week my baby starts kindergarten and I know I am going to cry. I packed his backpack tonight after he went to bed. The backpack is full and in it seem to be all my hopes and dreams. I hope he grows up to be a gentleman. I dream that he will find the perfect job. What am I going to be like when he graduates?

Soon he meets his teacher and his classmatess. Is he worried about that, NO?!?! All that concerns him is how lunch is going to work. Where is the cafeteria? Should he bring or buy? I am worried about his future and he is just concered about lunch. I wish I was five again and lunch was my largest concern.

Today as we celebrated I watched him run among the trees with amamzement. He has gotten so big and so loving. Yes he can make a mess in the length of time it takes me to turn around, but his smile can melt my heart in even less time. He was making up rules of a game and it evolved right before my eyes. The joy on his face as we played along and the giggles I heard as he and his sister played together.

I absolutly love and am terrified of being a mommy at the same time. The future scares the pants off me. But the present, the now, as I watch my children grow up and celebrate milestones in their life (like a fifth birthday and the first day of school with in a week of each other) I find myself smiling and being so happy. All my life all I wanted was to be a Mommy. Now my dream has come true twice with one loving son and one beautiful daughter. This is all I ever wanted. I hope I live up to both of their expectations.