Sunday, December 14, 2008
There is nothing worse than seeing your child legitimately heartbroken. My MIL gave us an ornament that said Merry Christmas from heaven. Gabby knows what it said and has been either picking up on our heightened sadness or is sad also. I am not sure she always seems to know when I am missing her. So she asked us if Santa delivered presents to Heaven. She was so concerned that Addilynn would not get any presents. It just breaks my heart when she misses her. I know that we miss her and really I have come to realize that my heart will always be a little bit busted. But she is my baby and I wish I could protect her from this heartache. She then proceeded to sing a song about her and saying how she misses her and she was her only sister and now she is alone. :( She then went on to sing how she will miss Christmas and the presents and that again she misses her and that she is in Heaven. I also know tonight that as I left the house and let my tears flow. I don't like to cry in front of her all the time I want her to be happy. I know you sent me signs saying you still were here. I don't know how I could ignore them. The most obvious was when I went to go get into the car and where I didn't see it before was the green pacifier that we used with you just sitting there. I sometimes feels as if you are always around and you know we need that extra hug and you let us know. I know we are all sad without you this Holiday. I can't help but think what should have been. I love you Baby Girl!