How it should have been?

The days go by and I get further from the last time I held you. I still think of how it should have been or how it would have been. I think of how I would be dropping you off at daycare and then taking Gabby with me. I think of how I would want to rush home to pick you up. I am still angry that for some reason none of this was in the plan. Some times it feels like it never happened. Like you were never here although my heart tells me differently as a part of it is filled with you. I am starting a new job which is a good distraction but I think what would they all think if they knew how broken I really am on the inside. I think how would they react if they knew. I think of how I should be showing you off instead I am missing you and trying not to blurt it out. I smile and wonder if anyone sees just how broken I am on the inside. I wonder if they see the inner sadness that is still there looming over my day. although everyday I get farther away from the day I last held you and kissed you I get closer to healing. Even though I move on with my days there is not a day that passes or more likely an hour that I don't think of you . I think of you and love you and miss you always.