Blah blah

Sometimes I don't write often because I feel it is the same thing over and over. Blah blah I miss you. Of course I miss you and that will never change. I am still thinking of what I would be doing if you were here. I am still missing you everyday. I still wish things weren't as they are. But all the wishing in the world won't change a thing. I still think of the night you left us over and over. I still wonder if there was something I could have done to change the outcome of that morning. It is still hard to beleive that hours before your death you were smiling and cooing. It is hard to beleive that was the last time i would ever hold you again. I search for signs from you. I don't know how to feel half the time but I can say the pain of your death is not at the forfront anymore. I can't say it hurts less but its not my focus. It will always hurt and I will always miss you. Not much has really changed except I guess accepted it because I have to. Miss you and love you always baby girl...

ps. God please give Addilynn a kiss and a hug for me