Its a new year

It is a new year and I have mixed feelings. Not that I can control how slow or fast the days pass. I can't control too many aspects of my life. It is not in my hands. I wonder if your heart valves have yet saved a life or when they will. I wonder when you will live on in the heart of another baby and save their parents from the heartache we feel everyday. That was an easy question...I knew I had to let you live on and prevent this kind of heartache from others. I feel sad that you will never live in 2009 I will never hold you in 2009. Part of me feels like I have left 2008 behind and I have to leave you behind. I never will as your mother. I know I see you around me. You are the white rose that sticks out of the snow on Christmas day. You are the warm sun on my face that wakes me up in the morning. You are the warmth I feel on a cold winter night. You are forever with me in my heart just not in my arms. I will never again get to kiss your sweet soft cheek. 2008 brings mixed feelings because it was the year we said hello and goodbye to you all at once. It was the year that started out to be the best year I had yet to have once to blow up and crash and burn in the spring. The year I am forever changed and the year that made me a different person. A year that made one single event define who I am .