The Three Little Pigs

Last week my son was in a school play. He had joined an after school theater program. He was so excited when he came home from the first meeting. My son proudly announced to me that he was going to be in a school play in front of the whole school. Practice was once a week and finally one day a script came home. Patrick was playing Little Pig 1 in the Three Little Pigs.

The play was a bit different than the Three Little Pig story most of us know. The Big Bad Wolf in this story was trying to bake his grandma a cake and ran out of eggs. He went to the Little Pig's houses to borrow eggs. So basically it was a big misunderstanding. Patrick's character was a little on the lazy side, and just built his house out of sticks to save time. Hmmm.

Patrick and I practiced his lines every night. He knew them with no problems. I could feed him a line from anywhere in the play and he could recite his line from memory. I couldn't wait to see the play. I knew he would perform wonderfully. The day was getting closer and sadly I had a conflict.

I was asked to start observing in a classroom on the same morning as the play. I knew it would be bad form to call off for the first morning, even if it was to see my son perform in a play. I had to miss it. Luckily all his grandparents, Dennis and Brianna went to the first performance and Patrick was wonderful I hear.

All the characters read from the scripts, I was a little disappointed when I heard that. Why had we practiced for so long if they were going to use their scripts. In my heart I knew Patrick didn't need it, even if he used it. I heard from multiple sources that Patrick was loud enough for the audience to hear him with no problems. This made his grandparents very proud.

After the play he had a chance to mingle with the audience and he was thrilled to have so many family members there. My father shook his hand and told him that he was a wonderful actor.



It broke my heart that I couldn't be there to watch my son on stage. I am so proud of him.

Missing her

It's hard lately because I really miss those phone calls from her and hearing her voice. Today I went to visit my dad and he seems fine in some sense but he tells me things that I know he misses her too. Sometimes I find myself talking to her about anything I'm thinking. I just miss those talks we use to have. I wish she lived longer than she did. I just wanted her to see her grandchildren grow and meet her newest grand baby. I Love You! I know you are in a better place and I want to believe you are looking over us.

My Mom

It's been almost a month since my mothers death (Jan. 20, 2010). She is greatly missed. It is surreal when I walk into my parents house where I grew up. Everywhere I turn I expect to see my mom. When I'm sitting there I almost hear my mom say "Do you want something to eat or drink?" Even though she couldn't get out to visit family in the last 5 years she always kept contact by phone. I miss those calls to check on me and the family. It was very hard when it was 10 days later and we were celebrating my kids' birthday. I kept thinking she was going to be there at our house when we came back from Rollie Pollies. My mother-in-law was one of the last to leave the party and that was when it hit me. I broke down into tears and couldn't stop holding her and saying how much I miss my mom. Not a day goes by where she is in my thoughts. Every night before I go to sleep I tell her I miss and love her very much.

Thankful Thursday

Today this mom is thankful for...

• My son who makes me smile and reminds me what is important in life.


• Chocolate (yes, a recurring theme in my "Thankful Thursday" posts)


• My amazing friends


• The feel of Fall in the air


• Memories, clear as day...

Some things I can't give up

While it seems like so much time has gone by there are some things I can not give up. I still leave the kitchen light on. I left it on every night you were born in case I had to make a bottle for you in the middle of the night. I still leave it on. Maybe I do it so you know if you need me I am still here. I know you need nothing and you are happy but I can't give it up. The things in your drawer no longer smell like you . They smell like the drawer but it doesn't matter sometimes I still need them. I can no longer hold you but I can hold the clothes you last wore. I still can't let the nightmare that haunts my night time go. I still see you being carried into my room and I hear the words that were spoken. I know you are happy but I can't let go of my own selfish desires to have you here. There are times even now that I still can't believe all of this has happened. I wonder what you would look like if you were here. Would you have those big brown eyes still? Would you have said mama or daddy first? I know that as time goes on my heart will heal but my heart will also never let you go. I will always hold you in my heart. I remember as a tears streamed down my cheeks and I whispered my last words. I wonder what my actual last words were to you alive. Did I kiss you goodnight? Did I tell you I loved you? Do you know how much I love you? These questions still haunt me. There is one thing I never stop wishing for and that is to hold you again. I know that would only leaving me wishing for more.

The baby news

Well I went for another sonogram at a different place. This time they found the baby but no heartbeat this time. The baby has died. It it a very strange feeling knowing there is a baby in me that I'll never see. I guess it was better that it happened early. Then have a baby with a lot of problems. Like I keep telling myself thank God I have 2 healthy beautiful children. It doesn't make it any easier but I love the family I do have.

good and bad

I'll start out with the bad news I found out I was prego then saw the baby on the sono. Then the next week had another sono then nothing no baby. It just never developed.
Then there's the good news my dh is opening up a gallery/retail store downtown on Elmwood. He is starting to get it ready. Wish us the best.
You know I am thankful for what I have now 2 beautiful healthy children.